Elska
by Savy13
Summary: Before that fateful Halloween, Lily Potter finds something questionable in her bathroom cabinet. It causes her to question everything about her life and begin again. Little does she know that this could change everything. EventualSnilly James bashing. I know the ending is awful. I lost the muse, I may write a sequel or can be adopted if you want it.
1. Skipta Hata ao Elska

**Hey guys. This plot idea wouldn't leave me alone and kept poking me in the back of the head, so I decided to go ahead and write it. Tell me what you think! ^_^**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I would be sitting in a castle somewhere, not in a dorm, procrastinating homework.**

Lily Potter rummaged to the very back of the bathroom cabinet.

"I was positive we bought an extra box of baby powder..." She mumbled to herself. Then she winced as her searching caused something glass to fall over with a harsh clinking sound. She righted the lilac colored bottle only to pause. She had no idea what it was. She unstoppered it to peer within.

It was a potion. Minty green in color with a smell of honeysuckle, three fourths of the way gone. A cold stone settled in her stomach and she tried to quickly dispel the panic that was rising in her throat. Lily was a dab hand at potions, but she could not be right all the time, and she sincerely hoped that she was wrong now. She stoppered and pocketed the bottle quickly, unable to look at it in her fear. What use would James have for a potion like that? She found it difficult to swallow as she went back to her baby's nursery without the powder she had been searching for. She had no desire to search further, in case she found anything else. She would just summon it when the need arose.

Instead, she looked at her beautiful baby boy. Harry James Potter lay asleep in his crib with his tiny, angelic face the epitome of innocence. He was her greatest achievement, her child that she loved more than life itself. He was two months old, but Lily felt as if she had known him all of her life. How ever did she live without her baby boy?

Potion or not, she would always love Harry.

Once satisfied that her baby was asleep, Lily went downstairs to the kitchen, taking out her potions set, unshrinking the ingredients. She immediately began to create an antidote to the potion known as _Skipta Hata ao Elska_. It wasn't a very inventive name once translated from Icelandic. It literally meant, Switch Hate to Love. It was a love potion that was slightly less powerful that Amortentia and a lot less used. Instead of creating an infatuation, it changed all ill feelings to positive ones without cause. It was very popular in arranged marriages, and often used with consent on both sides. But she couldn't be sure that what she had _was_ the Skipta potion, or if it was used on her. Lily refused to believe that James would do that.

'_Then why are you making the antidote?_' an internal voice questioned. She shook it away. The antidote was easy to make, and there would be no harm taking it just in case.

She set the water to a boil and added half of a bezoar before adding asphodel and stirring three times counterclockwise. She fell into the rhythm of potion making, and an hour and a half later, had her antidote. Lily scooped it up into a crystal phial when she was done and began to stare at the light blue mixture. Did this make her a bad wife for not trusting her husband?

Her internal debate lasted for a quarter of an hour before she forced herself to get over it. It was not as if other wives would not have been suspicious. She tilted her head back, and drank the contents of the phial. Two seconds later it fell from her hand and smashed against the tile floor.

"Oh, god, James..." she moaned, holding herself up with the kitchen chair. "James, how could you?"

She was not in love with James Potter. Not in love with him at all.

It was true that he had gotten better since they were in Hogwarts, but she had always seen him as annoying, and a bully. How could she have ever looked over all of those things he did to Severus? To first years, just because they were not in Griffyndor house? What about the Hufflepuff third year who spent a week in the hospital wing because of the Marauder's 'harmless' pranks?

Remus had always been alright, pulled along into bad situations due to his desperate need to keep the others his friends, since they knew about his problem. Sirius had been horrible as well, only redeemed by his loyalty. But otherwise, he was just as bad as James had been. And Peter... She wasn't sure about Peter. He had no backbone, and never spoke his own opinions. He seemed rather shifty now that she thought about it.

Lily sank to the floor. She just couldn't believe it. Her husband... Her own husband! And they had been together since their seventh year! Had he really been drugging her this whole time?

Now that the Skipta was out of her system, she didn't put it past him at all. He truly was delusional, always going on and on about how they were meant for each other and she would see it some day.

Lily found the strength in her legs so that she could rush to the bathroom, upheaving everything she had eaten that day. She wanted to take a calming potion or a headache reliever, but she didn't trust James not to have spiked them. Instead she went to the fireplace, threw in some of the Floo powder that rested on the mantle, and stuck her head in.

"Albus Dumbledore's office." She said. It took a lot of effort to keep her voice from shaking. With her head in the fire, she could see the impressive Hogwarts's office with the headmaster at his desk. He looked up from his papers at her.

"Mrs. Potter! What can I do for you?"

Lily only just kept herself from flinching.

"It is a bit difficult to explain through the Floo, Albus, and I can't leave Harry. Would you mind stepping through?"

"Mind?" He chuckled, standing up and striding to her. "I should thank you, for saving me from my tedious paperwork."

She managed a small smile to seem polite before she pulled away and allowed the headmaster to walk through into her living room.

"Now, how may I be of service?"

Lily found herself unable to speak for a second, before pulling the _Skipta Hata ao Elska_ out of her robe pocket.

"Do you know what this is, Albus?"

"I am hardly a potions master." he said genially, observing the liquid none the less. His smile became more forced.

"A love potion?" He asked. "Where did you get this, my dear?"

"Underneath the sink in the upstairs bathroom." Lily said. Her voice sounded hoarse now, and she spoke in a whisper. "I just gave myself the antidote, just to make sure it wasn't being used on me, but..."

"It was?" Albus asked. There was no twinkle in his eyes now, no smile on his face. For a moment, Lily got a glimpse of the man who defeated Grindelwald.

"I just... I don't know what to do, Albus." She whispered.

"You are always welcome at Hogwarts, my dear. It could give you some time away to think. Harry could go with-"

"With me." Lily said, cutting him off quickly. "Harry will go with me."

Albus nodded.

"If you so wish. I wouldn't dream of separating you for all the world."

Lily gave a firm nod.

"Shall I wait here while you pack?"

"Yes, please."

He sat down on the couch with his hands folded as she went upstairs and used her wand to pack everything of hers and Harry's into a magically expanded trunk. She then shrunk everything to fit in her pocket before grabbing Harry, who fussed sleepily. Lily shushed him gently in an attempt to go back to sleep.

Then she went back downstairs to Dumbledore, and stepped through the Floo into Hogwarts. She felt a pressure lift off of her chest. It was great to be here, and out of that house. But it was only then that Lily realized that she did not leave James a note, or any indication why she had gone. She groaned as she realized that she would have to deal with him sometime.

"I'll go get a house elf to set up your room." Albus said. "Why don't you take Harry down to see Minerva? I am sure she will enjoy seeing you again, and she will want to know what happened."

Lily nodded. Minerva had been a good friend, a great friend, after Lily was no longer her student. She had taken on almost a mother role once Lily's parents had died. Albus was right. A trip to see her was due.


	2. Old Friends

Lily had never before heard so many swear words in Gaelic. Minerva had been surprised to see her, but welcomed Lily inside with a cup of tea and tin of biscuits. The Head of Gryffindor happily took baby Harry to bounce on her lap as Lily explained the reason for her visit. The shock of the revelation was very quickly replaced with anger.

"How dare he? How dare he?" She screeched. "I never would have thought him capable of such a thing!"

"Neither would I." Lily agreed. "Even now that my mind is clear, I never thought James Potter would do something so... malicious."

Harry began fussing slightly at Minerva's shouting, and the Gryffindor Head rocked the boy to console him.

"I could never imagine it. I always liked to think better of those boys."

Lily paled.

"Do... Do you think the other Marauders were in on it?" She asked.

"I wish I could say. Yesterday I would have said never, but then, after James, I am not so certain anymore."

Lily looked down. She had grown fond of the Marauders over the years, especially timid Remus. But come to think of it, she had always liked Remus more than the other Marauders. He would play a harmless prank here and there, but he never participated in more of the malicious jokes the others indulged in. She had even grown to like Sirius since he had grown up a little. He still was immature, and a bit harsh to anything remotely dark, but given his background that was not surprising. And the gentle way he acted with Harry...

Lily scowled as she supposed that she could have even gotten used to James if he had given her the chance. She doubted she would have ever fallen in love with him, but she may have gotten along well with him if he hadn't been so annoying, or constantly tormenting-

"Severus!" Lily gasped, jumping so violently that she spilled half of her tea on the carpet and nearly fell off of her seat. Her exclamation startled Minerva and frightened Harry all over again. Lily took her baby to calm him while Minerva cleaned up the tea.

"Oh, he must hate me! I forgave him the summer before our seventh year and we even dated until we got back to school. Then James must have drugged me, because the next thing I know I am leaving Sev for him without an explanation! That was the last time I spoke to him, and the next thing I know he is rumored to have joined You-Know-Who..." she said softly. And then she burst into tears. She had broken Sev's heart, and quite possibly sent him down a dark road. Her own life had changed, years stolen from her as she was trapped into living a lie.

Minerva moved so that she was sitting beside her and wrapped her arms around her.

"I am so sorry my dear. It isn't fair that you have to go through this. It isn't fair that so much was taken from you when you were denied of your own free will... But as for Severus, I am sure that he is not a Death Eater. Albus never would have hired him otherwise-"

"Wait." Lily sniffed, looking up. "What? Hired him?"

"Yes, I assumed you knew. Over the summer he became the youngest Potions Master in three centuries. Albus hired him as a teacher."

"B-but that means he's here!" Lily exclaimed. "I can tell him I'm sorry!"

"You most certainly can. But you are in no shape for it now. You are distraught, and exhausted. You may see him in the morning. Where are you staying tonight?"

"Here in the castle. Albus said he would have a room prepared for me while I went to visit you."

"Perfect. And I will contact the Ministry tonight and ask them to send over some divorce papers for us to go over tomorrow."

Lily nodded quietly. It had been a long day, and she just wanted to lie down and rest. She was grateful therefore, when a house elf popped into the room to inform them that a room was ready. So she bade goodbye to Minerva and followed the elf, a slight thing named Neka, to a room on the fourth floor. Really it was three rooms. There was sitting room, and then a bedroom for her and a small nursery for Harry. She thanked Neka, who disappeared with a pop! and then set to putting her baby boy to bed.

She lied down then, wanting to sleep, but unable to do so with all the thoughts that swam in her head. Proving that James had her under a love potion would be easy. All she would need was some Veratiserum. But the matter of custody would be tricky. James wouldn't want to give Harry up without a fight, and there were plenty of Purebloods in the Ministry who wouldn't want the Potter heir to grow up with his muggle-born mother. But then, she had never looked up laws concerning love potions before. Could James be at risk of spending time in Azkaban? There was too much to think about. Lily groaned and sat up. She wished that she could take some Dreamless Sleep, but she knew she wouldn't be able to hear Harry wake up if she did. So instead she got to her feet and went into the sitting room.

At the desk she found some parchment, quills, and ink, so she sat down and began composing a letter to her sister.

_Dear Tuney,_

_ I know that you are mad at me, and I don't blame you. I know that you have never cared for the fact that I was a witch, nor for the company I keep. I suppose I might be setting myself up for heartbreak, since you very well may have thrown this letter in the fire by now. But if you are reading this, I could really use a big sister right now. _

_ You were right about James. He was a good for nothing. But it wasn't my fault that I was so blinded. You see, he had me under a love potion. _

_ You are probably gloating right now. You always told me that what I did was freakish and dangerous, and now I suppose I have just proved your point for you. I really hope that we can agree to disagree about magic, since my mind has not changed on the matter. But I really do need you, right now, Petunia. _

_ He has been drugging me! For years! My life could have been so different. But then, I suppose I wouldn't have Harry. I couldn't imagine life without him, and I know that you know what I mean, since you are a mother too. Perhaps everything did happen for a reason, like mum used to say. _

_ I really hope that you are reading this, and that you take the time to respond. I have really missed you, and I really want things to be better between us. _

_ All my love, _

_ Lily_

Lily read over it and decided that it would do. She couldn't possibly fit all that she felt onto parchment. She would just have to hope that Petunia read it. Perhaps if she responded, they could meet up and Lily could tell her just how sorry she was in person.

She sighed and placed the letter down, heading back toward her bed. She would go to the Owlery in the morning and send it then


	3. Obsession

**Just to let everyone know, I never planned on this being a long story. Everything may very well wrap up within the next three or four chapters. Thank you for responding and being so patient with me. **

** I do not own Harry Potter.**

The next morning after a private breakfast with Harry in their rooms, Lily owled her letter to Petunia, instructing the barn owl to stay to see if her sister wanted to write back. Once it had flown out of sight she went to go see Minerva again. To her surprise and luck, a Ministry Witch was already there with the papers in hand.

"You could sign these now and send them to James, but another option is bringing him here to discuss things now. He is only a floo call away, and we could attempt to get past any messy parts right away." The witch, whose name was Sarah-Anne Vance, suggested. Lily thought about it for a minute. She really didn't want to have to see James, but she supposed it was better to try and get it out of the way.

"Call him." she sighed.

Severus strode up to the Headmaster's office, tired of the rumors he had been hearing. Horrible, hope-lifting rumors that he wished to quell as soon as possible. Lily- Mrs. Potter, he corrected himself- could not be in the castle. And certainly not because she had a row with James. It was too good to be true, and he felt a sort of spiteful glee that the woman who broke his heart was now having trouble in paradise.

He paused in his journey to the headmaster when voices he would know anywhere reached his ear from a nearby empty classroom. Severus dipped into the shadows beside the door and whispered,

"_Exaudio_," with a flick of his wand. It was the opposite of the muffilato spell, and allowed him to hear the conversation better.

"-can't believe you, James!" the wolf was hissing.

"Bu-but..." Pettigrew began, only to be talked over by Black.

"It can't be true! I know how much you love each other, I have seen it! It is a mistake, right?"

There was silence.

"Prongs?" Black asked again. He sounded desperate.

"You aught to be ashamed of yourself." Lupin snapped again. "I never thought you would do something so Slytherin!"

"I am not Slytherin!" Potter finally snapped.

"Prove me wrong!"

"Don't be like this, Moony, you know we were perfect for each other-"

"Because I thought she loved you back!"

What the hell was going on here? It sounded a lot more serious than some lovers spat. Otherwise Potter's friends would have been completely behind him. There was more silence.

"I just- I can't believe you would..." Black tried.

"Padfoot, please-"

"No, James. I am your brother. I will forgive you no matter what you do. But this time... What you did was wrong. We are not kids anymore, Prongs. This isn't like pranking the Slytherins, this is real."

"I have to agree. You all are my brothers but... I'm on Lily's side with this one." The wolf said again. Then there were footsteps heading toward the door. Severus cast a hasty disillusionment charm over himself just in time. Lupin emerged from the classroom, and left down the hallway, a mixture of disbelief, betrayal, and fury on his face.

What in Merlin's name had Potter done?

Remus came into the meeting room first, and swept Lily into a hug before she knew what was happening.

"I'm so sorry, Lils... I had no idea what James was doing. None of us did." He sighed.

"It's okay,Remus." Lily said, a little guarded. She was not sure who to trust anymore.

"I won't be allowed in here when everything happens. Just... Good luck, okay?" Remus sighed.

"Thank you Moony. I'm sorry that you are in the middle of this too. I know James has been a great friend to you."

"Don't feel sorry for me." Remus laughed softly. "I'm nowhere near in the middle of it as you are. Just worry about yourself, okay? I'll worry about beating James up more later."

Lily raised her eyebrow.

"More?"

But the werewolf just gave her a sad sort of wink and left. It wasn't until James entered a few minutes later with his attorney did Lily understand. Her soon to be ex-husband had a shiny black eye.

"Lily, Lily, I am so sorry, I didn't-" He began the moment he saw her.

"Save it. I took the antidote to your little potion. I never loved you James Potter, so begging will not help you right now. Lets just get this over with."

Everything took a lot longer than it should have, since it was punctuated with James' pleas for Lily to give him another chance, and his professions of love. But eventually, everything was signed and done. James had given her everything she had wanted in hopes of pacifying her anger. Lily ended up with half of their savings (she didn't want a penny of the Potter fortune) and almost full custody of Harry. As James left, he was still spouting off that he had seen the error of his ways, and to please forgive him.

"We are perfect for each other! I know you are mad, Lily, but this can be worked passed. You will see." He said before leaving.

Lily shivered. Despite the divorce papers, she knew that James was far from being done. He would not stop. Not ever.


	4. After All

**I have lost my muse for this story... I know, I know, I never wanted to be one of THOSE writers, but this wasn't supposed to be a long fic anyway. I hope this wraps it up at least a little bit, even thought this chapter is so short I want to tear my hair out. I plan on writing a sequel but don't hold your breath... it will be awhile. Snape is a little OOC, but remember, he has Lily which makes him a lot different than the lonely bitter Professor we all know and love. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

Lily had a response from Petunia the very next day. It was surprisingly sweet and sympathetic. It was a bit frank, and tactless in places, as per Petunia's personality, but she was trying and that made Lily the happiest little sister in the world.

On the wing of her good mood, she decided to finally go and talk to Severus before her nerve depleted. So she left Harry with Minerva and followed the directions down to his office in the dungeons. She knocked as soon as she arrived in front of the heavy oak door, afraid that she would never do it if she did not do it straight away.

"Come in." Came his muffled voice from beyond. Lily took a steadying breath, and slowly opened the door before slipping inside. He did not look up at first, and she stayed quiet. After a moment when he did look up, his eyes grew wide and he jumped to his feet, upturning his ink bottle on his lesson plans. He swore softly, and Lily walked forward to help him mop it up.

"L-Lily! What are you doing here? I mean-"

"Here at Hogwarts? Or here in your office?"

"Both?"

There was a slight pause.

"I got a divorce from James." She said at last. Severus stopped cleaning up the soaked parchment to look at her.

"What?" he asked.

"He was giving me _Skipta Hata ao Elska._" She explained. "Ever since seventh year."

Severus hissed between his teeth. He was a potions master, he most certainly knew what that mixture was.

"That- That..." he began, unable to finish. He must have been angry if he was too mad to even think up of an insult for James.

"I know." Lily said softly. "So I came to say I am sorry and to please forgive me, I did not know what I was doing..."

"Forgive you? There is nothing to forgive. It was Potter's fault, not yours." He said quickly.

"But I hurt you... I..."

"I know. And I highly doubt we can just pick up where we left off."

Lily looked towards the flagged stone floor, downhearted. She was afraid that she would hear that, that she had missed her chance all due to James' meddling.

"But-" He continued, "I would like to try. Dating again, I mean."

"Really?" she smiled. "I do have a kid now, you know. Whom James is the father of."

Severus faltered for a second.

"Well, it will be strange, but I don't think it will be a problem. He is not his father after all."


End file.
